Your Name is Ashley C. and You Just Told The Bachelor You’re In Love With Him. Here’s His Response.
I had a feeling you were going to be a serious contender for future mother of my children when you tackled Maddie B. in the first quarter of the mini football game.
Wow. You have no idea how amazing that is to hear– literally, because I’m not going to say it back. But thank you soooo much for telling me. Some women join the cast of The Bachelor for Instagram followers. Others want to show their high school bullies they finally got their braces off and have high-quality hair extensions now. Not you! You’re different! You’re here for the right reason– me.
I know this process is a little unconventional, but it works, right? Remember day one? When you were forced to put on a pink thong bikini and twerk down a runway to Big Sean’s “Dance (A$$) Remix” (feat. Nicki Minaj) with 32 other women, while resentful contestants from seasons past launched water balloons at the stage? It was noticeably tough for you, especially with no prior dance experience. But look how far you’ve come! Now you’re sitting here, professing your love for me. And now I’m sitting here, watching you profess your love for me. It’s like a real-life fairy tale.
I guess we should address the elephant in the room. And by “elephant in the room,” I mean “all the other mega hotties I’m still actively dating.” Katie told me she loves me, Emily said she can see herself loving me, and Taylor K. claimed she is falling in love with me. Their feelings are completely different from being in love with me, so you’ve clearly taken the lead among the remaining contestants. I had a feeling you were going to be a serious contender for future mother of my children when you tackled Maddie B. in the first quarter of the mini football game. Girl went down HARD. Do you have brothers or something? Because that was a world-class sack.
Speaking of world-class, our chemistry is unmatched. Well, except for that time I kissed Haley T. in the hot tub. And the time I stuck my tongue down Becca’s throat at the backyard barbecue. Oh, and when I “accidentally” grabbed Sara’s boob during the slippery sumo wrestling challenge. That was soooo long ago though. And aside from those extremely isolated incidents, our romantic connection is entirely unique! There were 12 Ashleys in the mansion at the start, but you’ve always been the number one Ashley in my heart.
Remember our intimate one-on-one date at Six Flags Magic Mountain? When you bravely shared how poorly your ex-boyfriend treated you during a live performance by Rascal Flatts? “You didn’t deserve that,” I whispered, tucking a lock of brown hair behind your ear and maintaining the proper amount of eye contact. Damn. It’s no wonder you’re in love with me, even though I’ll end up doing exactly what your ex did to you in a few short months.
Hold that thought– it looks like Ashley S. is walking this way with a margarita in hand, asking to steal me for a sec. I’ll say goodbye for now, but this has been great! Thanks again for opening up and showing me your vulnerable side. You’re in love with me and I’m in love with the fact that you’re in love with me. We’re a match made in heaven, Ashley C., until my dad convinces me to pick a blonde. Regardless, I’ll see you at fantasy suites!
Sarah Lehman is a writer living in Northeast Pennsylvania. You can find her on Twitter (@smalltownkitten), or visit her website (sarah.social) to read more of her work.
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