You All Mocked My Hooded Pink Jumpsuit, But Thanks to Squid Game, Who’s Laughing Now?
Halloween is approaching, and guess what’s sold out everywhere? That’s right: pink hooded jumpsuits.
I remember when I first saw it. I’d stopped by the Goodwill near campus and expected nothing other than to spend forty-five minutes listlessly browsing for cheap jackets while enveloped in that stubborn secondhand-clothes smell. But a slice of hot pink cut through the racks of beige and gray, and my path was altered.
It was a jumpsuit: long-sleeved, hooded, bright pink. Impractical. But I had to try it on. It was just my size, as if it had been tailored for me. There was a 90s-themed party coming up, and I wasn’t sure if jumpsuits were 90s, but I had to buy it. Besides, it was only $5.
Or as Mallory put it, “You paid $5 for that?”
Apparently, jumpsuits “aren’t 90s,” but whatever. My roommate was like, “guess you’ll never wear that again,” but I stood by my Goodwill find. For Halloween that year I made a pink tail and ears, and bam — Pink Panther. The next year, with longer ears and a drum? Energizer Bunny. With a unicorn headband? A pink unicorn. OK, so that wasn’t the best one, and Mallory said I’d run out of good ideas for it, but I knew my hooded pink jumpsuit had more Halloweens in store.
That’s not to say I only wear it for Halloween. Sometimes I just feel like rockin’ my hooded pink jumpsuit, even if some dude once sneered at it when I was getting my coffee and said, “Wow, you must really like attention.”
But the joke’s on you, Asshole Dude and Mallory. Because this year, Squid Game is the №1 show in pretty much every country on Earth, Halloween is approaching, and guess what clothing item is sold out everywhere? That’s right: pink hooded jumpsuits.
Go ahead, just try to find one. Amazon, Wish, AliExpress? They’re all gone, due to a global supply chain crisis plus unprecedented demand. People from Iceland to South Africa, Canada to Singapore have already snatched them up. And if you do find a listing, watch out! Scammers abound, because people are that desperate for their own pink jumpsuit with a hood.
Think you can maybe find one at your local Goodwill, as I did years ago? Ha! They were all bought up by forward-thinkers back when Squid Game premiered in September.
So maybe you’re like, “OK, so I can’t be one of the iconic hooded pink jumpsuit-wearing guards who work in the mysterious island facility from Squid Game. That’s fine! I’ll be one of the debt-ridden schmucks playing the lethal game in a futile attempt to win at late-stage capitalism instead. All I need is an emerald green tracksuit. That actually gives me tons of options. Just by choosing what number to put on it, I can be a likable gambling addict, hot corporate embezzler, wholesome migrant worker, or even a crafty North Korean defector.”
Think again! Yeah, it sure seems like there would be more emerald green tracksuits than hooded pink jumpsuits available worldwide at any point in time, but it doesn’t matter: those are all gone too! When you go out on Halloween, you’ll likely see plenty of people enjoying their emerald green tracksuits, and maybe even couples pretending to be a back-stabbing gangster and brassy wildcard. But you’ll be stuck with an old witch hat or cat ears, because you started watching Squid Game in October like a chump.
Anyways, it’s time for me to go paint a square on my mesh mask and then spend the days leading up to Halloween not anxiously watching package tracking numbers. As you go out to scour the stores for passable costume pieces, try not to get into a tug-of-war match over white slip-on shoes, and definitely don’t lose your marbles. I’ll just be here in the VIP room, chilling with my hooded pink jumpsuit.
Janna Layton lives in Walnut Creek, California, near the base of Mt. Diablo. Her writing has been published in various places, including The New Yorker’s Daily Shouts, The Colored Lens, Apex, Luna Station Quarterly, and the anthology Five Minutes at Hotel Stormcove. She tweets at @jkbartleby.
