What Critics Are Saying About The Year 2020
It stinks!
“Did you know it was Nietzsche who said ‘What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger?’ Friedrich, I’d like to respectfully disagree.” — Maureen Corrigan, books for NPR’s Fresh Air
“Seems like God and Satan are playing chess for who gets to run things, and God fell asleep on the board.” — Michael Phillips, film for Chicago Tribune
“Imagine if Stephen King and Tom Wolfe got together and collaborated on a story of an invisible evil and the wholly incompetent response to it.” — Michiko Kakutani, former chief book critic for The New York Times
“We’ve made it to intermission, but what comes in the second and third acts? Hostile alien invasion? Ivanka coronated queen? The earth cracks open at the equator and starts turning herself inside out? Anything can happen!” — Charles McNulty, theater for Los Angeles Times
“It’s like if they started making foie gras out of dog excrement, spread that on two stale, urine-soaked slices of Wonder bread, put that in the middle of a bodega tortilla smeared with fresh cat feces, rolled that up and grilled it between the rusty plates of an old Foreman, then let it sit for 20 minutes and served it tepid, with a sauce of reduced mouse droppings. That’s the Blue Plate Special of 2020. Who’s hungry?” — Hannah Goldfield, food for The New Yorker
“Blows.” — Inkoo Kang, TV for The Hollywood Reporter
“I have seen many poor performances in my life, but this one takes the taco. Just like I panned Louis C.K. for failing to meaningfully confront his past mistakes when I saw him at Yuk Yuk’s comedy club in Niagara Falls, I will shit-can all of humanity if we cannot do better than this in 2021.” — Hilton Als, theater for The New Yorker
“I’m not in the habit of borrowing fellow critics’ catch phrases, but in this case, Jay Sherman really would say it best: ‘It stinks!’” — A.O. Scott, film for The New York Times
“If I was offered the deal of escaping this year immediately in exchange for watching all twelve seasons of Two And a Half Men, on loop…I’d say sign me up for the unbearable, prolonged emasculation of Jon Cryer.” — Caroline Framke, TV for Variety
“The good news is, we’re all suffering together. The bad news is, we’re all suffering together.” — Constance Grady, books for Vox
“You take Hannah’s disgusting shit burrito, you shove that into the cavity of a rancid chicken carcass, you smash that into a decaying deboned duck, you squeeze that into a raw turkey that’s been chillin’ on the counter for about forty-eight hours, bake at 350 until your kitchen starts to reek, and THAT’S this year’s Thanksgiving dinner. Who’s grateful?” — Tom Sietsema, food for The Washington Post
“This is not like Groundhog Day, because Phil and Rita didn’t get to know each other via Zoom. This is not like Idiocracy, because President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho actively sought the help of the smartest man alive to help solve a crisis. This is like a ten-hour David Lynch film that’s just grating noise and disjointed images, and not even Laura Dern can save it.” — David Edelstein, film for New York Magazine/Vulture
“Wake up and smell the Doritos, folks: opportunities like this come once in a lifetime. Sweatsuit onesie, all-day Netflix and chill, bowls of Skittles for breakfast? Hate all you want, haters: this year is sick.” — Jerry Saltz, senior art critic New York Magazine
Jenn Knott is a comedy writer based in Bavaria, Germany who’s written for publications like McSweeney’s, The American Bystander, The Belladonna (HEY!), & Slackjaw. She really hopes you’re doing ok. Find her on Twitter @jkusesherwords or at jennknott.com.
