Types of Birds You Might Sleep Like
Are you an early bird, a night owl, or another feathered friend?
Illustrations by Tara Morin
An Early Bird
Do you go to bed at 7 a.m., wake up naturally at 5 a.m., and think a lot about Benjamin Franklin’s daily schedule? Then you might be an early bird. These types like to “get up and at ‘em” to write in gratitude journals, watch the sun rise, and go stand-up paddleboarding. If you’re an early bird, you’re most productive in the earliest hours of the day and announce that to people regularly.
A Night Owl
Night owls tend to listen to jazz while wearing shades and a black scarf. As others are heading to bed, these birds like to scit-scat-doodle-doot on the keyboard — the laptop keyboard, that is. If you’re a night owl, then you’re most alert late at night and enjoy eating spoonfuls of garlic hummus straight from the container.
A Duck
If you’re a duck sleeper, you start to doze at 10 or 11 p.m. You sleep best when you’re sitting on a rock that’s partially submerged in your bathtub.
A Blue-Footed Booby
Do you wear bright blue socks as you head off to dreamland? Then you might sleep like this charming waterfowl. Blue-footed booby sleepers wear bright blue socks during the day, as well, while other parts of their body remain unclothed. These exhibitionists are most alert between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. and have been asked to work from home.
A Peacock
Peacock sleepers wear silken, paisley pajamas to bed instead of threadbare running shorts from high school and a t-shirt with holes in it. If you sleep like a peacock, your bed is shaped like a circle, how you pay rent is a mystery, and you perform cabaret downtown on Thursday nights. That’s not when you’re most alert, but it was the only time slot they had.
An Albatross
If you sleep in the style of an albatross, you sleep on the diagonal, with your limbs spread wide, taking up all the space on the bed. Sadly, there is no room for a partner, a beagle, or intimacy in any form.
A White-Crowned Sparrow
This bird always sleeps with one eye open, thanks to a phenomenon known as unihemispheric slow-wave sleep. Sometimes it’s keeping an eye out for danger, other times it’s wondering why that guy didn’t text back. If you sleep like a white-crowned sparrow, focus on your hobbies and friendships because trust me, the right guy always responds within 10 minutes!
A Chiffchaff
This feathered warbler wakes up at 5:30 a.m on weekdays for work and finds itself waking up at 5:30 a.m. on Saturdays and Sundays as well, because now its body is programmed to wake up at this ungodly hour. When it wakes early on weekends, it eats toast with scrambled eggs and goes back to bed, but can’t fall asleep again, so it feels like a zombie all day. If you’re a chiffchaff sleeper, well, darn.
A Satanic Nightjar
You might sleep like this rainforest dweller if you’re believed to be possessed by a demon and make “plip-plop” noises while you rest.
A Robin
This bird wakes at around 8:30 a.m., is most alert between 10 and 11 a.m. and after that, fails to get much done. Many people sleep like robins.
Kerry Elson is a teacher and writer in New York City. See more of her work at kerryelson.org
Tara Morin is an artist, illustrator, and educator living in Rockland, Maine. Her art making is a daily practice in playfulness. Instagram: @taramorin and @lowlypencil
