Things That Shook Me More Than That Earthquake
I must admit I wasn’t that shaken.
A historic magnitude 4.7 earthquake vibrated apartment buildings and scared small animals in New York and New Jersey area on Friday. While no earthquake isn’t earthshaking, folks wondered if their neighbors were playing music too loud or if their boyfriends were stomping around in their Timbs.
Even though it buzzed like a notification from God, I must admit I wasn’t that shaken. Here’s a list of things that shook me more than the earthquake in NYC.
The A train
When it goes underwater from Brooklyn to Manhattan, and your ears pop.
Pizza rat
People were dressing as “Sexy Pizza Rat” for halloween.
When they started doing work on my building and the water came out of the faucet brown for no reason
Like, WHY?
That one week when I had my phone set to vibrate AND ring
It permanently altered my blood pressure.
That Super bowl upset
And I don’t follow sports.
Most “personal massagers” these days
They’ve gotten very good.
The first time I swam in the Indian Ocean at 12 years old
There are only five oceans, and it was so salty.
Dumbledore Gay
When JK Rowling revealed that Dumbledore was gay, and then years later also outed herself as deeply transphobic, that was much more cataclysmic than the earthquake in NYC.
Flowers Blooming in Antarctica
It’s all connected, man.
You… all night long
The 1980 AC/DC track “You Shook Me All Night Long” from their iconic album Back in Black went harder than the earthquake.
The shrill notification we all received 30 minutes after the fact warning us of an earthquake
Now THAT was scary.
Aarushi Agni (she/they) is a writer, comedian, musician, educator & activist. She’s written for publications such as Apartment Therapy, Nerdist, and McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern. She performs stand-up, sketch and improv in New York City. Find tickets to her shows at aarushiagni.com & follow her work on her Substack, launching later this April!
