The Nasty Snake-Filled Feminist Meal Prep for Sad Men Apparently Missing Hands
Never missss a meal even if there’s no woman to make it for you!
In a Facebook post earlier this week, Missouri GOP Senate candidate Courtland Sykes lamented about not having dinner waiting for him when he gets home. Said Courtland: “I want to come home to dinner every night at six, one she [my girlfriend] fixes and one that I expect one day to have daughters learn to fix after they become traditional homemakers and family wives. I don’t buy into radical feminism’s crazed definition of modern womanhood…they made it up to suit their own nasty snake-filled heads.”
With that in mind, The Sisssters for Sustenance are proud to present our latest meal preparation plan essspecially for SSSad Men Apparently Missssing Hands!
Just follow these fool-proof stepsssss and you’ll never miss another meal after a busy day of missssssogyny and MAGA. Trust us. If anyone knows about making dinner without hands it’s a bunch of feminist snakessssss!
Founded by our patron saint Eve after she took that first ssssinful bite of the apple from the Tree of Knowledge in the Garden of Eden, The Sisters for Sustenance have been working since the fall of Man to keep Man satisfied. Modeled after the snake who first offered woman knowledge via food, we offer jusssst the opposite: food via knowledge. Specifically the knowledge of how to make food yourself instead of clinging to silly sexist gender roles the way Adam did his penis when he realized he was naked and worried Eve would laugh at his manhood.
Sssstep 1: Go to the kitchen.
It’s the room you always tell women to “get back in.” haha. HELPFUL TIP: it’s not on Google Mapsss, so you’re going to have to actually walk around your house with your feet (which we assume you have because you manage to constantly take two steps backwards with your world viewssss).
Sssstep 2: Make dinner.
Okay this one’s tough because you have to use your hands which you usually just use for grabbing pussiessss, but all you have to do is grab food from your refrigerator and cook it. You know how you tell women to make you sandwiches all the time? Well do that, but for yoursssself!
Alternate Sssstep 2: Order Seamless. (sorry you still have to use your hands to order and tip! Don’t be a cheapssskate.)
Sssstep 3: Eat dinner.
Congratulations! You have successfully made yourself dinner even though you are a Sad Man Apparently Missing Hands! It’s almost like you DO have hands, you’d just rather sit on your lazy assssss while women clean up all your messes.
The Sisters for Sustenance are committed to ending toxic masssssculinity one helpful meal plan and election at a time. See you at the polls sirssss!
Emmy Potter grew up in Missouri with a nasssssty feminist head apparently full of snakesssss, which explains why she speaks fluent Parseltongue and occasionally sheds her dry skin all over New York City (ewww). Slither on over to Twitter to sink your fangs into more of her words.
