The Diary of Gruuka, the World’s First Feminist
Diary, it is wrong to want man who listen to me and who also have boobies?
Today, I, Gruuka, discover that fire feel ouch on skin, but not on hair. Amazing science learning, right? But Brog and Truk do not believe Gruuka. They stick hands in fire and make much screaming. Then, Truk make blame-screaming at Gruuka! If they only believe Gruuka, no one would scream.
They like to make anger, same as they like to make puppet show with floppy appendage. Puppet all the time instead of work! They do not listen when I tell them schlong show is smell bad and also have simplistic plot with no thematic elements. “Silly Gruuka,” they say. “Do not listen because Gruuka have no floppy appendage.”
Truk tell me I am his wife now because he drag me into one-bedroom cave. Sigh. Diary, it is wrong to want man who listen to me and who also have boobies? Klaaka have nice boobies. Her boobies could make many riveting puppet show. On my face.
Husband Truk make me clean cave floor of dirt all day long. But cave floor is make of dirt??? I explain Truk that dirt is dirt and cannot be make separate from dirt. Klaaka and her big boobies verify my analysis of situation, but Truk disagree. He says it is Gruuka job to make dirt not dirt.
Gruuka start to think that Truk job is to be stupid asshole.
PS: Truk puppet show continue to be boring, yet over too quickly somehow.
Klaaka and Gruuka have wonderful day in red tent because of mystery moon time. We and other women agree that we say smart thing and should be listen to. Blaargh share story of how she tell husband Brog that lightning is danger because it contain lightning, which is danger. But Brog laugh at Blaargh! Until he get dead from lightning. He never even apologize for being wrong.
After Brog make one with bar-b-que, we all drink fermented yak milk to forget about husbands. Klaaka say my fermented yak is best fermented yak. Sweeter than all other yak. OMG!!
Why must Gruuka go back to Truk?? Lately, he say Gruuka’s fermented yak have too much yak, and to make it less yakky, which Gruuka do not think is word.
Today in red tent, we boobies persons agree that our husbands are silly mammoth shit who force us to work to bone while they yak (drink milk) and yak (talk talk) all day. But lightning cannot be use to get rid of so many — we try.
Truk stop by to complain that he not eat in three day while I am in red tent. Then, he say I am gross for bleed so much and not die. This is very funny joke to him, even though Gruuka hear it many time, and from prettier men less gnawed on by bear. I tell him to boil his own mushroom for to eat, with nice sprinkle of caterpillar for pop of acidity. He laugh at Gruuka and fall over from faint.
Klaaka drag him out of red tent.
Gruuka love Klaaka. Truk must go.
Klaaka has make science! Klaaka make study to know that many husband afraid of red tent and mystery moon time within. Therefore, if we stay red tent forever, no more husbands!
“Not all husband,” say Friiga, but we roll eyes at her.
I find nice corner of red tent to live with Klaaka. We make much science to know things, like why bird fly but not cat? (Wings and good attitude.) Yay!
Dear diary, we live in red tent always now. Husbands too afraid to come in! Red tent is peace and laughter, and Gruuka never have to un-dirt dirt. Truk only eat leaf now. He spend much time at pooping cave.
PS: Klaaka’s boobie puppet shows make Gruuka much happy! Her character arcs are subtle, yet masterful. And her tits pretty, too.
Martti Nelson is lady humor writer from LA who make much funny while avoid making dirt un-dirt. Dirt is total bullshit. Follow on Twitter @MaladyMartti and Medium. She wish she in red tent right now, tbh.
