The Belladonna Writers Speculate on Kate Middleton’s Whereabouts
Where is she now? Only William knows.
Kate figures if Willy’s hairline can disappear she can too. — Katy Maiolatesi
Kate thinks all of the Spring 2024 fashion trends are rubbish so she’s boycotting getting dressed. — Kristen Mulrooney
She contributed guest vocals on a few upcoming Taylor Swift songs but has been ordered to lay low until the album drops to maximize the surprise. — Jessica Lillian
Kate Middleton? Why, there hasn’t been a Kate Middleton here for 25 years! — Fran Bixby
Kate Middleton’s obviously been cast in a reboot of Suits and is on location, filming. — Brooke Knisley
She’s been cast as Ringo in one of Sam Mendes’s Beatles movies, and she’s gone full method in a bad wig and groovy shades. — Kristen Mulrooney
She’s in a secluded location with Paul Hollywood perfecting her Spotted Dick recipe for an upcoming taping of the Great British Bake Off. — Lisa Borders
Kate is the secret Neuralink recipient Elon Musk keeps talking about. — Kelley Greene
Kate is trying to get through Oppenheimer before the Oscars. — Alyson D’Lando
Kate has gone to Mars to start a new life, and her robot replica on Earth isn’t ready for public viewing yet. — Kat García
She’s been sent to live in a farm upstate where all women go when they’re over 40. — Heidi Lux
Kate was sick of having beans on toast passed off as “gourmet” for every royal meal, so decided to take a trip to the US to experience local delicacies like SPAM. — Emily Kapp
Kate really needed a break, so she hitched a ride on that thing that just landed on the moon. — Kate Antoniades
Kate’s been manning the chemists’ station at the Willy Wonka Experience in Glasgow. — Laura Lewis
Kate got stuck in a wardrobe trying to find her way to Narnia. — Heather Talty
Kate forgot to Mind the Gap while getting on the Tube and has been stuck down there ever since. — Lauren Grimaldi
Thank you to the funny and talented writers in The Belladonna Writers’ Room for their contributions!
