Signs You Might Have A Work Igor

Has Your Relationship Crossed A Line?

OH hi

**This is piece is part of our Throwback Thursday series, where we publish old favorites. It was originally published on Oct 25, 2017**

Office friendships begin over casual conversations and lunches. But sometimes relationships become inappropriate. Is the chemistry between you and a co-worker becoming too electric?

Is your shared passion for creative work starting to raise eyebrows, or the dead?

Your friends joke about having “work husbands”, but yours seems different. Here are some warning signs you might have a work Igor.

Cool trick!

You’re always together. Even when you don’t know it!

Since your first day on the job, he’s been quietly right by your side, and he checks in on you often. Sometimes he’s so close by he startles you. At first you were taken aback with his constant presence, but now you feel comforted knowing that, at least at the office, someone’s always interested in you and your work. Which is more than you can say about things at home, at least in the last few months.

Did you see something on the security cam, or am I imagining things?

He’s so eager to please, it’s like he’s waited all his life to serve you.

He knows you. He knows what you love for lunch, and brings it to your desk without asking. He even checks the food first to see if it’s poisoned, which is just one of those surprising things you didn’t know you needed, but now totally appreciate. He turns down the lights for you when you arrive at your desk in the morning — he just senses when you’re hung over, you guess! If you ask for his help, he responds politely, even going — some might say — too far, in referring to you as “master.” He answers your phone on your behalf, referring to you as “the doctor” even though you’ve told him your Ph.D. In Liberal Studies is pretty irrelevant to your current position. Can you get that level of attention and help at home? No. Not anymore. And probably not for awhile, until you can get a new roommate to replace the one who recently passed away.

You don’t mind staying at work late, if he’s there. And he conveniently lives there, underground!!

In your old job, the minutes ticked by painfully. But with this new friend in your new job, you find yourself losing track of time because your work life is so interesting. Yesterday, for instance, after you finished your paperwork, he appeared with a lit candlestick and asked you to follow him to another building’s boiler room, through underground tunnels. Pretty soon you had a backstage pass to his awesome collection of anatomical jars. It feels good to have a friend. Especially since your cat Cinnamon went missing suddenly.

What a pad!

You can depend on him. He’s your hero! (All heroes have dark sides, right?)

When you injured your arm, he offered to carry your workbag. Even after your recovery, he insists on carrying your things with his slow shuffle, never wanting to complain about his own chronic chiropractic issues. The resourceful guy even helped you charge your electric car in the parking garage, despite the blackout! Who thinks of harnessing electricity by opening the ceiling during thunderstorms? Only your hero, that’s who. And who found your missing cat? Yup, it was him again. It’s too bad poor Cinnamon had passed, but you really appreciate your friend’s efforts, and at least you know where his heart is. Cinnamon’s heart, that is. Third jar over on the second shelf in that boiler room.

You have dirt on each other. Sometimes it’s from the cemetery.

You tell each other everything, your worst fears and your embarrassing dreams, like becoming a famous inventor. He always takes you seriously, making notes when you get depressed and say you wish you had the brains of someone else.

You also literally have dirt on each other from that one late night he convinced you to exhumes bodies for “experiments.” Such a character! Always making you laugh, and always supportive of your dreams.

He does a lot of your dirty work.

You finish each other’s sentences, and experiments.

It’s like you two are always on the same wavelength. And in the rare instances you aren’t, he helps you along. He totally understands you. Like how you forgot to care for your work plant and it died. So he brought it back to life overnight! When you were speechless, he said, “There now. Tell me, is it dead or alive?” When you answered he said he “couldn’t hear you” until you shouted “It’s Alive!!!” for the entire office to hear.

The next thing you knew, feelings you’d thought were dead were awakened.

Also cats. Dead cats were awakened.

Like Cinnamon. Well, at least Cinnamon’s head and legs…could be another cat’s torso. And certain people, like your deceased roommate. All completely alive. A little emotionally distant, but nonetheless decent company or a good helper when it comes to cleaning the dishes.

As long as she helps with the rent, too.

If most of these signs seem familiar to you, you might have taken your work friendship too far. Or, you just might be the luckiest person in the office, and co-founder of the world’s first reanimation department.

Emily Schleiger (@EmilySchleiger) works alone, but wouldn’t mind having an Igor to bring tea to her desk every once in awhile.