Sexy Halloween Costumes Sure to Drive Your GOP Congressman Wild
He definitely did Nazi these hot holiday looKKKs coming
Halloween is right around the corner, and it’s the perfect opportunity to spice things up for your man both in the Congressional chamber and the bed chamber! Forget about your own sexual fulfillment and self-esteem, because it’s time to turn All Hallows Eve into All Hallows Adam and make this spooky night one HE won’t forget (and you’ll be haunted by forever).
Be the hit of the political party and drive your congressman wild in THESE sexy Halloween costumes.**
BDSMother!
Whether your man’s a Norman Bates, a Darren Aronofsky, or a Mike Pence, there’s plenty of fun and naughty ways to bring his favorite emasculating lady to life. You may call him “daddy” but he’s just looking for some good old-fashioned mother-f@#$ing…right after you make him beg for the dinner you were supposed to have on the table by 7pm. Who’s been a bad boy?
SpooKKKy White Activist
Show off your toned legs in this flirty yet classic scary take on white activism that’s sure to fire up your man’s tiki torch! All you need is a short white sheet with eye holes. Don’t forget to moan about Confederate statues and ethnic cleansing to finish off the ghostly lookkk he definitely did Nazi coming. (wink)
Naked Patriotism
Why wrap yourself in the flag when you can literally paint it on? Your man, aka “Old Glory” may like YOU on your knees (those pesky black NFL players, not so much) but this patriotic flag body paint is sure to get a standing ovation from him; at least until his health insurance-covered Viagra wears out. These colors don’t run…except when you’re working up a sweat getting each other off to the strains of the National Anthem. Just remember your horizontal display (wink) is actually against the U.S. flag code, section 8c.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Tax Cut
More like SHE-ro in a half-shell! What better way to sneak a hidden tax cut for your billionaire boy toy through the swampy Congressional chambers than by cosplaying as your favorite reptilian ninja (No, not Mitch McConnell!) with a fun financial twist? Your sensei-tional colored eye mask adds a touch of mystery as you kick and punch away at benefits for children, the elderly, and the poor all so you can secure him a payout more delicious than a large cheese pizza. With turtle power THIS impressive, he’ll be screaming “Cowabunga!” all tax-season long.
Ann Coulter-geist
All you need to channel this shrieking, violent demon is a long blonde wig, microphone, and political “hot takes” best reserved for the fiery pits of hell. He’ll be so turned on, not even the power of Christ will be able to compel him to banish you from his bedroom.
Lady Top Gun
Your militia-loving Maverick will feel the need for speedier access to firearms when you show off your guns in this NRA-approved jumpsuit costume. Take his breath away, literally, with your super cute, super customizable AR-15 that’s sure to silence all the haters at any Halloween party this season. And if you need a 2nd amendment to your costume, simply add a pair of classic aviator sunglasses. Totally killer!
**Birth control, abortion, and other reproductive and child-care services not included. Wear sexy outfits at your own risk. Wearer claims all responsibility for any sexual activities, consensual or non-consensual, that occur regardless of male participation and/or coercion. You’re asking for it, you know.
Emmy Potter’s favorite “sexy” Halloween costume is generally one that involves sweatpants (like her awesome Hoth Leia costume from 2nd grade) so she can eat more Reese’s Pieces. For more of her tricks and treats, follow her on Twitter and read her spellbinding words at places like IFC, Culture Sonar, and of course, The Belladonna.
