Seven Under-Eye Creams That Will Fix Your Aging Worthless Face
There are many causes behind dark circles, wrinkles, sagging skin, and puffiness — but that’s no excuse to look that way.
Everyone knows moisturizer is key to any good skin-care routine. But caring for that delicate little skin around your eyes is complicated. Luckily, we lathered our eyes in buckets of products to give you highly specific recommendations that make it more complicated than ever.
Here are our top picks!
Best Overall: Crème Éclairante
$100 per ounce
According to dermatologists, “There are many causes behind dark circles, wrinkles, sagging skin, and puffiness — but that’s no excuse to look that way.” This product tackles all of those issues and more. Plus, at just $100 per ounce, there’s no reason not to strive for having the eyes of a 15-year-old girl.
Best Lifting: SkinGoodNow Instant MAX Boost
$150 per 0.5 ounce
If your under-eye bags are causing bystanders to run away from you screaming in horror, the only permanent solution is surgery. If your situation is less dire, use this instead. Every drop of MAX Boost is filled with enough caffeine to put down a horse. This, in theory, depuffs your eyes and, in practice, doesn’t really do anything at all.
Best For Mature Skin: DJ Skincare’s Geriatric Remix
$200 per 0.2 ounce
If your eyes aren’t young, beautiful, and valued by society anymore and are instead old, wrinkly, and gross, this is the product for you. Trust us, there’s one thing DJ Skincare knows how to do, and it’s whip those saggy bags into shape. This product comes in the form of a firming gel, which transforms the texture of your cryptkeeper skin into something totally different. It’s hard to say what exactly it transforms it into. Dermatologists say that you actually can’t even classify it as skin anymore once you’ve applied Geriatric Remix to your under-eyes, which is fine by us because the results are astonishing.
Best Budget: Dr. Trustworthy’s Special Paste
$7 per 5-Gallon Jumbo Tub
If you don’t want to splurge (BOO!), this one from Dr. Trustworthy is tough to beat. Special Paste does it all, but it gets less love because of its unique, long-lasting scent: burnt eyelashes. One reviewer commented that, “The scent doesn’t ever go away. It’s a permanent part of my skin now and it’s so strong that it keeps me awake for hours on end wondering if my eyelashes
are really on fire. I know it works because I haven’t slept in weeks, yet my skin looks better than ever!”
Best Rejuvenating: Ultimate Regeneration Goddess Gel
$500 per squeeze
Calling all goddesses! Seven of the dermatologists we spoke with said if this wasn’t on the list, we could go fuck ourselves. So just trust us on this one, queen!
Best Revitalizing: Misty’s De-Aging Potion
Referral Required
This one isn’t an external application so much as it is a liquid poured into a shot glass and delivered to you via Uber Connect. It’s made by our editor’s mom and she won’t tell us what’s in it but WOW her skin looks amazing. There is no monetary price. Instead Misty says the endless burning mouth sensation and temporary blindness are simply “the price you have to pay.”
Best Revivifying: AUTO CORRECT
$600 per visit
Similar to revitalizing and rejuvenating, but different in ways we can’t specify, AUTO CORRECT takes whatever is wrong with your under-eyes (so much) and fixes it immediately. This one isn’t a cream, gel, serum, liquid, potion, or paste. It’s honestly pretty unclear what happens during an
AUTO CORRECT visit. They sort of just lay their hands over your eyeballs and whisper, “YOUNGER NOW” until you pass out. It easily takes 10 years off your eyes and it would have been our top option, but they only have one office and it’s in Midtown Manhattan.
Emily Delaney is a Brooklyn-based writer, producer, and video editor. You can find more of her work at her website emdelaney.com which is always out of date and often broken.
