Radical Members of the Alt-Left
Members include President Lincoln, Oskar Schindler, and Frederick Douglass, who is definitely still alive and at large.
The White House
Office of the Press Secretary
For Immediate Release
As President Trump stated, the group most culpable for the events in Charlottesville is the mysterious “Alt-Left.” This insidious, secret collective is widespread and defined by their baseless prejudice against Nazis, Neo-Nazis, White Supremacists, and even mere White Enthusiasts.
Below is a list of known members:
Former Presidents Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Harry S. Truman, who fought an entire war to “wipe out” Nazism.
Harriet Tubman, for the Underground Railroad, but more importantly for trying to steal a space on currency from a white man.
The “Band of Brothers.” This armed militia not only literally fought Nazis, they also attempted to humanize the Alt-Left movement by sharing their stories of “bravery,” “honor,” and a radical, leftist term this administration is unfamiliar with, “sacrifice.”
Elie Wiesel, who spent his entire life speaking out against Nazis, just because he had one bad incident with them.
Frederick Douglass, an #antifa leader who is definitely still alive and at large.
Shonda Rhimes. Her “diverse” casts threaten traditional television. Her movements include a recent “arrangement” with a major internet corporation. What is she plotting?
Theodore Geisel (Known Aliases: “Dr. Seuss” “Cat in the Hat”) for writing prominent anti-Nazi propaganda, including indoctrinating our children with offensive imagery of Adolf Hitler as a greedy turtle.
Oskar Schindler and the as-of-yet unidentified “Girl in the Red Coat.” Why is her coat red? Because she’s also a communist.
Lin Manuel Miranda. Not only did this Alt-Leftist thug write and star in a musical based on the avowed abolitionist Alexander Hamilton, he denied white people their right to take all the roles.
“The Dirty Dozen.” Every member of this group is already a criminal, and, yet, for some reason they’re allowed out of jail in order to “hunt down” innocent Nazis? Disgraceful.
Former President and mass white supremacist murderer Abraham Lincoln.
Martin Luther King, Jr. Will someone please remind this man that, in America, we have no monarchy?
Jesus of Nazareth. Don’t know much about him, but I heard he’s Jewish, critical of the government/law, and very good at organized protest. Sounds dangerous.
Anne Frank. Her diary is completely one-sided.
Please note that this list is not comprehensive, and we strongly urge every American to consider their neighbors, co-workers, and even themselves a member of the Alt-Left until proven otherwise.
Sasha Stewart (The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore, The Colbert Report) is a comedy writer and probably one of those crazy anti-Nazi alt-leftists. Better keep an eye on her just to be safe.
