Protest Signs That Started Out Fine But Didn’t Quite Stick the Landing

Hey, hey! Ho, ho! These messages aren’t very effective!

Kate Antoniades

Published in

The Belladonna Comedy

May 3, 2024

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A very large protest march, with many people holding colorful protest signs — Photo by Alex Radelich on Unsplash

PROTECT KIDS NOT GUNS / ALTHOUGH PRESERVING / HISTORICALLY SIGNIFICANT / WEAPONS / IN MUSEUM EXHIBITS / IS PROBABLY FINE

WHO RUN THE WORLD? / GIRLS / THOUGH NOT ACTUAL / CHILDREN / DUE TO STRICT / AGE REQUIREMENTS / FOR HOLDING OFFICE

Y’ALL MEANS Y’ALL / THOUGH IF YOU ARE NOT / ORIGINALLY FROM THE SOUTH / YOU WILL SOUND RATHER SILLY / WHEN YOU USE THAT PRONOUN

AGAINST ABORTION? HAVE A VASECTOMY / IT IS AN OUTPATIENT PROCEDURE / TYPICALLY PERFORMED / UNDER LOCAL ANESTHESIA

FIGHT LIKE A GIRL / FIGURATIVELY, THAT IS / UNLESS IT IS IN SELF-DEFENSE / AND YOU FEEL THAT / VIOLENCE IS UNAVOIDABLE

DEFUND THE POLICE / IS A POPULAR CALL FOR REFORM / THAT IS FREQUENTLY / MISINTERPRETED / AND THEREFORE POLARIZING / AMONG ACTIVISTS

GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE / FUNDAMENTAL RIGHTS / AND LET’S JUST IGNORE THE FACT / THAT THE CYNDI LAUPER HIT / WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN

WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED / UNLESS WE LOSE OUR VOICES / FROM CHANTING TOO MUCH / FORTUNATELY WE HAVE BROUGHT / SOME THROAT LOZENGES

THERE IS NO PLANET B / HOWEVER, EARTH HAS / VERY CLOSE ANALOGUES / SUCH AS KEPLER-452B / AND PROXIMA CENTAURI B

THE HANDMAID’S TALE / IS NOT AN INSTRUCTION MANUAL / IT IS A BOOK OF SPECULATIVE FICTION / WRITTEN BY BELOVED CANADIAN AUTHOR / MARGARET ATWOOD

NO HUMAN IS ILLEGAL / BUT SOME HUMAN ACTIVITIES / SHOULD BE OUTLAWED / SUCH AS COMMENTING “WHO CARES?” ON NEWS STORIES / AND SNEEZING MORE THAN 4 TIMES

WHEN THEY GO LOW / WE GO HIGH / AND SPEAKING OF HIGH, / WHILE THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT’S / WAR ON DRUGS HAS BEEN A FAILURE / THE BAND NAMED AFTER IT / RELEASED THEIR FIFTH STUDIO ALBUM IN 2021, / GARNERING AN IMPRESSIVE 8.4 RATING / FROM PITCHFORK

IF YOU’RE NOT OUTRAGED / YOU’RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION / ALTHOUGH IT CAN BE HEALTH / TO TAKE OCCASIONAL BREAKS / FROM THE NEWS / TO DO SOMETHING FUN / SUCH AS KNITTING, BIRD-WATCHING, / PLAYING THE BANJO, DOING MACRAME, / GLASSBLOWING, PLAYING FRISBEE GOLF, / OR PERFECTING YOUR MACARONS

Kate Antoniades is a journalist, writer, and editor whose humor pieces have also appeared in Points in Case, Slackjaw, Weekly Humorist, Little Old Lady Comedy, and elsewhere. She is very bad at reading maps.

Kate Antoniades

Written by Kate Antoniades

Writer for

The Belladonna Comedy

Humor @ The Belladonna, Points in Case, Slackjaw, Weekly Humorist, Greener Pastures, Little Old Lady Comedy, Robot Butt

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