Our Most-Read Pieces in January
Holy shit, the first month of 2022 is already behind us… and what a month it was! The Belladonna published some truly, deeply hilarious writing. Before we share our top 3 most-read pieces of January and an interview with our #1 author of the month, some housekeeping:
- Kate Rosow Chrisman (a Belladonna writer + an editor of Greener Pastures Magazine) created a February Comedy Sprint. She emails a new prompt every day and includes advice, examples, and other fun tidbits. It’s not too late to sign up, and we hope to see some of the amazing pieces y’all write with these prompts in our inbox soon!
- Belladonna writer Rachel Keller just launched Humor Me, a monthly satire and humor open mic on Zoom! Follow the Humor Me Twitter account for info on upcoming events.
- In this week’s Tuesday Tips and Flashback Friday threads on Twitter, we discussed the differences between timely/topical vs seasonal pieces. It’s important to understand the differences so you can adequately prepare and send your work to the correct submissions email inbox.
TOP 3 MOST-READ PIECES IN JANUARY
Quick tip: These three stories took off partly because they all have terrific premises and execution, but they also blew up on social media — specifically Reddit and Facebook. Once the links made their way to r/humor, r/satire, and topic-specific Facebook groups + subreddits (like r/kardashians), the pieces got hundreds of views per hour.
We encourage you to promote your work on all social media platforms, and we’ll always retweet your links if you if you tag us on Twitter! Now without further ado…
3. 7 Things You Know About Kim Kardashian But Not Your Dad by Linnea Cooley
Kim is close with all of her sisters, but in the past few years she has felt the closest bond with Khloe. Outside of the family, Kim’s best friend is food influencer Jonathan Cheban, who often joins her for events or vacations.
The position of Dad’s best friend is a tough call between his college roommate Dave, your Uncle Brendan, and your neighbor Peter. Which man clinches the top spot is impossible to decide, as Dad does not actively keep in touch with any of them. While Dad spends the most minutes per year chatting with your neighbor Peter, he has remarked in the past that Peter is uptight about his lawn.
2. Too Many Women Are Gathering Without Me, A Normal Nice Man by Cassie Soliday
AT THE OFFICE: I passed by a fishbowl conference room and saw another group of women. My mind raced! Where’s the boss and how could they possibly be having a productive meeting if there’s no man around to keep them from gossiping? I did what any congenial male colleague would do and swooped in to save the day. While I made a charming entrance, you wouldn’t have known it as they swiftly kicked me out of their HR meeting. I’m certain they were talking about me as I know what lips look like when they say my name. Besides, what else could women possibly talk about? Life isn’t a Bechdel test.
1. I, Your Elder Millennial Professor, Used to Be Pretty Good at this Technology Shit by Tara Roberts
Hey, everyone, welcome to our fourth … fifth? … semester of Zoom class. I’ve got a few announcements before we get — Muted? I’m not muted. I think I would know if I was muted. I’ve been using computers since my parents got their first IBM in 1992. Did you know how to launch “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego” on DOS when you were 8? Because I did.
Here’s what Tara had to say about her stupendously popular piece:
What technology shit that no one uses anymore do you wish was still popular?
Not-smart phones! The blocky little Nokia I had 20 years ago gave me freedom. My iPhone wants to steal my soul. Or maybe I want a hybrid, like with a great camera and streaming music and podcasts, but nothing else.
How does it feel to be the author of the most-read piece in January?!
Way cool — thanks readers! — but also humbling, since it’s basically an entire piece making fun of myself.
In your opinion what separates an “elder millennial” from a “young millennial”?
I mostly think generations are arbitrary, but I love the oxymoron of “elder millennial.” Millennial still equals young in our cultural shorthand — and the young ones are in their mid-20s. But I have a kid in middle school! And I really haven’t been competent at technology since 2002. I might still look young to the world, but my students look at me and see “mom.”
What’s your favorite writing tip you’d like to share with our newsletter readers?
Take walks, or any equivalent thing where you’re unconnected and alone with your thoughts. Most writers I know think constantly, but we’ve got to give our brains space to just get it all out, sort through it and find something worth thinking about more.
Any funny/embarrassing old hotmail/yahoo/AIM usernames/addresses you’re willing to share?
My parents really didn’t let me have my own email til I was 17! And I was the type of kid who listened to them. But they never outlawed AIM. I used names with the phrase “saymuffin” in them a lot, which was some some ridiculous high school inside joke. So not actually funny, but wildly funny at the time.
LAST WEEK ON THE BELLADONNA
Your Motivational Water Bottle Has Given Up On You by Val Bodurtha
Great job, don’t stop now! Wait, is this Fanta? Did you fill me with Fanta?
Daily Itinerary Of A Woman On Day 31 Of The Whole30 Diet by Heather Osterman-Davis
Reintroduce foods like the boss you are!
Questions About Your School’s Updated Quarantine Policy Answered By Beaker From The Muppets by Lisa Aldin
Meeeeeeeeeeeep!
Will Republicans Vote To Confirm The Next Supreme Court Justice? A Flow Chart by Devorah Blachor
Amy, Brett, and Neil set the bar so low, we can smell sulfur.
I’m The Four Free COVID Tests In Your Mailbox & I’m Here To Tear Apart Your Family Of Five by Farrell Greenwald Brenner
I live for the drama. It’s time for the moment of truth.
Nothing My Black Children Will Learn About Will Be Worse Than the Mild Discomfort White Children Face While Learning About Racism by Karly Noelle Abreu White
White shame is truly the worst of all possible outcomes.
I’ve Definitely Read the Constitution & Neil Young is Violating My First Amendment Rights by Emily Bernstein
I’d like to speak to the manager of free speech.
Advice to Wordle, From Sudoku by Tiffany C. Li
You’ve got a lot of nerve, kid.
The Children’s Book “Press Here” as Read by a Helicopter Mom by Lorraine Alden
Uh-oh. You pressed the dot six times instead of five.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Follow The Belladonna on Twitter and Instagram!
And if you’ve been published in The Belladonna before, you can join our Slack Writers’ Room — just email us at thebelladonnacomedy@gmail.com and we’ll add you!
Thanks for reading, and keep being your amazing selves!
— The Belladonna Editors
(Brooke, Fiona, Ashley, Emily, Alice, Heidi, and Kristen)
