Other Rules For Men on the Campaign Trail
For male candidates who understand “The Billy Graham Rule” is just a jumping-off point.
The “Billy Graham” Rule — Do not spend time alone with women* who are not your wife. (*especially female journalists)
The “Lindsay Graham” Rule — Even if you don’t have one, it’s okay to legislate against the bodies of women who are not your wife
The “Catherine the Great” Rule — Do not spend time alone with horses who are not your wife.
The “Tim Murphy” Rule — Abortions are only acceptable for women you impregnate who are not your wife.
The “Ted Cruz Newlywed” Rule — It’s okay to go buy 100 cans of soup if you’re not excited about meals made by your wife.
The “Ted Cruz” Rule — It’s okay to forget if the president is actively antagonistic to your wife.
The “Delaney, Moulton, Inslee, O’Rourke, and Bullock” Rule — Your personal hero should be your wife.
The “Curvy Wife Guy” Rule — Love your curvy wife.
The “Pope Francis” Rule — The pope cannot be your wife.
The “Chris Seiver” Rule — Your laptop cannot be your wife.
The “Woody Allen” Rule — Your daughter can be your wife!
The “St. Mary’s Academy” Rule — Women cannot referee boy’s high school basketball, including your wife.
The “Henry VIII” Rule — If she cannot produce an heir, you do not have to keep your wife.
The “President Donald Trump” Rule — It’s not rape if she’s your wife.
Taylor Kay Phillips is a writer and comedian living in NYC. She has written for Reductress and McSweeney’s and is a writer for the monthly show NightLate at the UCB. Follow her on Twitter to find out which doors she ran into this week @taykayphillips.
