NEW Year, NEWsletter
OLD us, NEWt Gingrich can go to hell, there was an OLD woman who lived in a shoe, NEW Balance sneakers are every dad’s go-to footwear, nothing gOLD can stay, buy a piNEWood candle and put it in a candlehOLDer, send your NEW submissions to the OLD Belladonna email address, PLEASE read the submission guidelines BEFORE sending us your work, the OLD managing editors can’t wait to see what you write!
LAST WEEK ON THE BELLADONNA
Exciting New Flight Formations for Canadian Geese written by Madeline Goetz & McKayley Gourley, illustrated by Danielle Williamson
New year, new V.
Literary Critiques of Catcalls I’ve Heard So Far This Year by Aarushi Ahuja
Because oppression could at least have better sentence structure.
If Other Organizations Sent “Your Memories From…” Emails Like Social Media Sites by Amy Strommer
But I DID click Unsubscribe. Just make it stop.
Reminder: All Teachers Are Required To Do Virtual Recess Duty by Stacey Curran
You must still supervise recess, even though our kiddos are home.
A House Finch’s Seven Tips for Buying Your First Luxury Home by Amy Muller
I’m not just a House Finch, I’m a Home Finch.
Who Said It: A Dog or Someone Who Doesn’t Have the COVID Vaccine in 2022? by Alice H. Lahoda
“BARK!!! …has amazing immune-boosting properties.”
What Comes After Dark Academia? Fashion Trends for 2022 written by Jody Brooks & illustrated by Tracey Berglund
Neon Cornucopia, Homespun Sanguinaria, and Partial Metamorphia looks dominate universities this season.
EDITORS EXPLAIN: Captivating Titles
One comment that comes up a lot when the editors discuss accepted submissions is “I didn’t expect to like this one, but it’s so good!” That basically translates to “I wasn’t sold on the title.”
Which is fine! Our job is to read every submission from beginning to end, so regardless of how we feel about the title, you have time to win us over with your writing. But if our readers “don’t expect to like this one” based on the title? They won’t click on it.
So what makes us say “I didn’t expect to like this one”? A few little things can undermine a good piece:
1. The topic seems like something we’ve seen over and over again. Let your title show us that you’re offering a fresh and new perspective.
2. The title doesn’t give enough away. If your title is too vague or mysterious, it won’t pull a reader in when they scroll past. Make your angle clear so readers think “that’s interesting, I want to hear what else they have to say about this.”
3. The title doesn’t make us laugh. This one is obvious, and maybe less important than communicating your topic and angle, but if you can make a reader laugh with the title, they’re more likely to buckle in for a full read.
So write a title that makes us say “Oooh I’m gonna like this one!” Write one that scrollers can’t help but stop and click on! Hook them! Reel them in! Run around screaming because they’re flopping around on the dock and you’re afraid to touch them oh wait no that’s fish.
Here’s to 2022! Send us your submissions! xoxo
What New Year’s resolutions have we already broken?
Ashley Chen: My new year’s resolution was to make a new year’s resolution. I did not.
Emily Kapp: I want to try and learn to like mushrooms as a food and implement them into recipes more, but a week has gone by and I haven’t eaten one. Pure drama.
Alice H. Lahoda: Idk, I’m sort of killing the resolution game right now. Get ripped? Done by Day 3. Learn a new instrument? I’ve learned 12, bitch. Stop lying? …Damn, you got me.
Heidi Lux: Force myself to start watching The Bachelor again. Sorry, Clayton, but I am not with you on your journey.
Kristen Mulrooney: Oh man my toxic trait is being way too competitive so I would never break a resolution. I’m in a constant state of trying to beat the game.
FINAL THOUGHTS
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And if you’ve been published in The Belladonna before, you can join our Slack Writers’ Room — just email us at thebelladonnacomedy@gmail.com and we’ll add you!
Thanks for reading, and keep being your amazing selves!
— The Belladonna Editors
(Brooke, Fiona, Ashley, Emily, Alice, Heidi, and Kristen)
