It’s Me, Your Gravy Boat. Your Moment of Pretentiousness Has Led to My Lifetime of Loneliness

There’s been no gravy train for me.

Photo by Klaus Nielsen: https://www.pexels.com/photo/tasty-yolks-on-toasts-forming-sad-face-6294297/

Hey. It’s me, your gravy boat. I don’t mean to complain, but I’ve been sitting on this shelf since you love bombed me while unwrapping your wedding gifts five years. I know it’s not ‘emotionally healthy’ to get into the social comparison trap, but…