Itemized Receipt: 45 Minutes of Therapy
Handing you a tissue — $15.78
Head nod — $15.00
Taking notes — $7.00 per word
General questions about feelings — $10.00
“Mmmmm” — $5.50
Comfy seating on luxury couch — $200.56
Agreeing that not leaving your apartment for five days straight is not a good sign — $7.00
Fancy frame for the Master’s Degree hung right above my head — $15.00
Questions about your relationship with your mother — $48.00
Keeping track of which person did and said what in each of your rambling stories — $84.97
Handing you a tissue — $15.78
Each tissue — $21.07
Referral to well-known meditation app — $51.72
Talking about a workout class we both do — $6.25
Paper and ink to print long HIPAA agreements and insurance forms — $70.10
Awkward silence while you cry — $95.82
Scheduling next week’s appointment — $75.04
Extra 46th minute while you walk out — $1,000.99
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Kathryn Nicolai is a copywriter based in New York City. Her humor writing has been featured in McSweeney’s and more.
