If This Cartoon Lady Animal Doesn’t Have Human Breasts, How Will Men Know If We Wanna Fuck It?

PETITION: We need a set of honking knockers to hold our attention!

Alice H. Lahoda
The Belladonna Comedy
3 min readMar 5, 2021

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Lola Bunny in Space Jam (1996). Fair use, Wikipedia.

“[Malcolm D. Lee], the director of ‘Space Jam: A New Legacy,’ has ‘reworked’ Lola Bunny’s role for the reboot — claiming he wasn’t comfortable with the ‘very sexualized’ way she came off in the original back in 1996.”

TMZ, 3/4/21

Petition for Malcolm D. Lee to DRAW TITTIES ON LOLA BUNNY, YOU COWARD!

If you think Space Jam fans are going to waste our time watching a movie about some flat-chested bunny without a cartoon titty in sight, then you don’t know your audience at all. We need a set of honking knockers to hold our attention if we have to watch some boring animated lady animal on our screens! After all, a cartoon is only as good as the cleavage-to-screentime ratio of its busty animal babes.

Have you ever seen a real rabbit? We wouldn’t let our dicks come within five feet of that thing, but we’d space JAM it into the original Lola Bunny any day. That sexy bunny couldn’t look more fuckable with her jugs stuffed into a tight basketball crop top than if she were a human woman wearing a Jessica Rabbit costume for Halloween. A generation of men had a sexual awakening when Lola appeared on our screens; how dare you take that opportunity away from today’s boys?

But Lola Bunny is just the beginning. If you take away her tig ol’ bitties, then no one is safe. We must protect the sexy cartoon bazoombas of our youth. Think of Gadget from Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers. Or Pinky and the Brain’s Mousey Galore — that sexy, sultry minx (not to be confused with Minerva Mink in the iconic porn series, Animaniacs). Just try to tell us they would be good wet dream fuel without their huge cans. You can’t!

For the record, this isn’t some sicko animal kink. We aren’t like those freaks who have consensual sex with other humans dressed like rodents or something. We just wanna fuck Sandy whenever we watch SpongeBob!!! Every time men see that squirrel in a bikini, we’re like “damn, I gotta bust a nut for that feisty lil gal to store away for winter.” That’s just a natural reaction to a sexy cartoon lady animal.

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