How to Run a Marathon With the Same Attitude You Bring to Therapy
Celebrate the small things, even if there is no one cheering you on in this weird abandoned industrial area that smells like seaweed.
Start line — Tell yourself it’s a gorgeous day to run, even though the sun hasn’t risen yet. You are going to manifest the sunshine into this bleary March morning. Just like you manifested these sold-out-everywhere, Valentino pink, carbon-plate New Balances to arrive just in time for the race! Do not think about how you didn’t break them in. Focus on the positive, like how they match your bib spectacularly.
Mile 1 — One mile over! If you can do one, you can definitely do 25.2 more. The beginning is always the hardest (in every scenario except a marathon, but let’s set that aside for now…) Carry forward with the mantra: “smile for all the miles.”
Mile 3 — Anxiety is a normal part of life, just like anxiety poops are a normal part of the race! Try running with the feeling for a while — at least until you find a Porta Potty.
Mile 4 — Allow achievements to come in due time. For example, getting a personal record mile time at this moment was probably unnecessary, and an indication of poor long-term planning skills. Nevertheless, dismiss your sports watch alerts that say “Heart Rate 195 bpm” and “Tap screen to confirm you are not experiencing a heart attack.”
Mile 6 — Don’t worry about all the people passing you. You are only competing against yourself. Just focus on your own — OH wow, that man holding an 8:30 Pace Group sign is cute. You know what? Running with others is a great way to motivate yourself forward.
Mile 7 — GREAT, you ran a mile with Pacer Bae. I hope you used that time to observe and check him for red flags. Even if you’re not ready to break the ice, at least make it less obvious that you’re running behind him to check out his ass.
Mile 8 — Gentle reminder to rehydrate at the next water station, especially given that you’ve taken not one, but THREE anxiety poops at this point.
Mile 8.5 — You ran right past the water station. Let’s unpack that decision. “Look at these nerds handing out electrolytes on a Sunday morning” was a projection of your own insecurity. “It’s way too early for a water break. The only thing I’m thirsty for is Pacer Bae” was an overextension of your abilities.
Mile 10 — Double digits! Celebrate the small things, even if there is no one cheering you on in this weird abandoned industrial area that smells like seaweed.
Mile 11 — Let your mind wander while you run. This is great for your mind-body axis. Soak in the blue sky, the trees, and the breeze. Ignore that man mooning the crowd.
Mile 13.1 — Half way! Remind yourself that if you are running today, then you are a runner. Who cares if you never read “Run the Mile You’re In.” Even the guy who wrote it doesn’t know what the hell that means.
Mile 15 — You have so much to be proud of. Just three days ago you were painting a “26.2 completer” design on your nails and googling “Does running a marathon with no training hurt?” and now you’re here!
Mile 16 — BTW, the answer is: It won’t hurt any more than the bikini wax you got to prevent chafing on your shorts.
Mile 17 — Things are getting tough, but DO NOT let intrusive thoughts, negativity, or general existential spiraling bring you down. Instead focus on how you overtook that girl you thought was WAY too hot to pass. Remember that perceived attractiveness is NOT a reflection of self-worth or ability.
Mile 18 — Congratulate yourself on keeping up with Pacer Bae. So what if your shirt is drenched? That your face is beet red? That you’re breathing so hard it sounds desperate? You’ve shown him you can run with him, literally.
Mile 19 — Try power posing to drum up some confidence. Get in front of a mirror and lift your chin. Puff out your chest. Or just check yourself out in some man’s reflective sunglasses. That works too.
Mile 20 — This is where the real race starts. The “marathon wall” is a test of your grit. Tell yourself, “Pacer Bae is so cute. So easy to chase!” Then go get him.
Mile 23 — Your body is shutting down, but that’s just part of this journey. You can dissociate from reality if that helps. Be gentle with yourself. Repeatedly thinking “I can stop running when I’m dead” is harsh.
Mile 24 — It turns out blacking out is not normal, and you missed eating a gel two miles ago. Nourish your body and perk back up. Give a small affirmation of gratitude to the power of caffeine.
Mile 25 — Only one more mile, time to dig in. Keep running, even if your armpits are bleeding. Even if you can’t feel your legs. Do you want to run Turkey Trots with Pacer Bae and your track star babies for the rest of your life? Then buckle up. This is nothing compared to childbirth.
Finish line — You did it! Never mind that you lost Pacer Bae in the crowd. You did something amazing for yourself today. It was never about the — hold on. Your Strava activity just synced and it says you ran this race with Miles Johnson and 12 others? Jackpot.
Swati Sudarsan was the runner-up of the 2022 So to Speak Contest Issue, and she has received support from Tin House, the Kenyon Review, Kweli Journal, and Martha’s Vineyard Institute of Creative Writing. Her work can be found in McSweeney’s, The Adroit Journal, Maudlin House and more. She lives in Oakland, CA with her black cat and partner, and works as a public health scientist.
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