Gobble Gobble, Bitches
Hey, Upper East Siders. Gobble Girl here. And I have the biggest news ever. One of my many sources, AngryAngryAlice, sent us this:
“Overheard in an editors meeting: The Belladonna is assembling a holiday gift guide! If you’ve written for The Belladonna and have a published book out (or multiple books), email a link to thebelladonnacomedy@gmail.com and we’ll add your book to the list.”
Don’t believe me? See for yourselves: One of our amazing Belladonna contributors, Julie Vick, has a new book out. Babies Don’t Make Small Talk (So Why Should I?): The Introvert’s Guide to Surviving Parenthood is a perfect gift, so grab a copy before the supply chain screws everything up… just like Queen Bee Erika Jayne screwed up by delivering her infamous “Tom’s house was broken into” speech on national television.
But enough out of me. Let’s get into the news of the week.
— XOXO, Gobble Girl
LAST WEEK ON THE BELLADONNA
Things Kamala Harris Worked On During Her Hour as Acting U.S. President by Belladonna Comedy Writers’ Room
“She did it, Joe.”
A Holiday Gift Guide 2021 (Taylor’s Version) by Anna Pook
“If your BF is always cold and distant, DO NOT, in any circumstances, gift him with a chic winter accessory to keep him warm (like a beanie or scarf).”
My Wife Has Become an Ecosexual and Honestly I’m Completely Cool With That by Eve Schaub
“I held out hope that somehow our love could overcome her passion — her very, very literal passion — for the great outdoors.”
Daily Itinerary of an Insta-Famous Pug by Catherine Weingarten
“My owner Kylie and I go to the park, mostly to be seen.”
Eulogy For The Expired Coupons On Our Kitchen Bulletin Board by Elise Seyfried
“A few words before we proceed to the recycling center and lay them to rest.”
Top 10 Sex Dreams I’ve Had About the Quinn-Goldberg Kitchen on Netflix’s ‘You’ by Lindsay Hameroff
“Is it hot in here, or are you just burning evidence in your farmhouse sink?”
EDITORS EXPLAIN: Comedy Mapping
Mapping is framing an idea by using another scenario’s language. (No, you don’t need a degree in cartography!)
For example, if you wanna write about your phone battery dying, you could write in a way that uses the emotional intensity/diction of a hard-boiled soldier, attempting to save a fellow comrade from dying.
Formatting is also important to mapping. For instance, if you’re writing about all the demands that are expected from an elder daughter of the family, you can format the piece in a strict ‘terms and conditions’ contract to play with that parallel.
Mapping offers a fresher angle on an otherwise generic topic. Finding comedy parallels between your main idea and the scenario you’re working with can really heighten the funny!
But remember that certain types of mapping can be cliche. Like, a piece about canceling a Netflix subscription but treating it like a romantic break-up may seem overdone (hint: most break-up scenarios are). So try exploring more original comedic parallels!
Here are some great examples of mapping:
- I’m Having An MFA! by Kara Vernor
- Whoops! That Doesn’t Feel Right. Please Wait While We Redirect You To The Clitoris. by Rachel Ciferno
- Congratulations On Your Promotion To The Position Of My Boyfriend by Lizzie Logan
There are infinite combinations of topics and framing devices, and we can’t wait to see what you come up with!
What are we thankful for?
Ashley Chen: I’m thankful for my mom, except when she’s being a bitch.
Emily Kapp: I am thankful that Alice gives me until the last minute to submit my answer to the newsletter prompt.
Alice H. Lahoda: I’m thankful for my family, friends, cat, and Wellbutrin prescription.
Heidi Lux: I’m thankful for writing prompts.
Kristen Mulrooney: I’m thankful for all the courageous people who got vaccinated not only for their own health but for the greater good, even though getting a shot can be scary a leave a big old owie on your arm.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Follow The Belladonna on Twitter and Instagram!
And if you’ve been published in The Belladonna before, you can join our Slack Writers’ Room — just email us at thebelladonnacomedy@gmail.com and we’ll add you!
Thanks for reading, and keep being your amazing selves!
— The Belladonna Editors
(Brooke, Fiona, Ashley, Emily, Alice, Heidi, and Kristen)
