Dream Dictionary Updates for 2019

A (Ariana Grande) through Z (Zuckerberg)

In consideration of recent history, we at your preferred online dream dictionary have updated our reference guide to include some of last year’s more prominent dream subjects. Please remember all new entries can be subject to further interpretation — and that they don’t have to mean anything at all. Dreams primarily serve as assurance that your brain is functioning normally, and probably don’t predict dire, absurd, irreversible cultural changes to come.

Your 2019 dream reference supplement includes the following:

Steel-Slat Barrier

A dream about a steel-slat barrier — or former proposed Trump wall design — hints that you’re reluctant to let someone else in. You may be so out of touch that you yearn to protect your abstract feelings with something physical: a fence, or a wall, or a kind of fence/wall perhaps. It could also indicate sexual frustration.

Gritty

The appearance of Philadelphia Flyers mascot Gritty in a dream represents one tiny, ridiculous light at the end of the dark tunnel that is the modern age. You may find you’re laughing despite yourself, as once you laughed freely.

Thanos

Any dream involving Thanos is an irritating result of that guy at work who keeps saying Thanos was right, and then sits back as if to observe a stunned and reverent audience. These dreams often recur, depending on how much time you spend thinking about unearned confidence before bed.

The Haunting of Hill House

That same guy at work keeps saying the show is actually about trauma, and then sits back as if to observe a stunned and reverent audience.

Ariana Grande

To dream that you were featured in the “thank u, next” video implies that you now have enough confidence to rise above any challenge, broken promise, or walking haircut of an ex-boyfriend. You can look into the (suddenly less attractive) face of adversity and be grateful — nay, so fucking grateful — for all it has taught you.

The “I really don’t care, do u?” Jacket

Dreaming of wearing the “I really don’t care, do u?” jacket means you’re hiding your identity behind a visage so noncommittal and contradictory, that you yourself don’t even understand it. Alternatively, dreaming that you are the “I really don’t care, do u?” jacket implies a fear that you’re slowly sinking into a vast, meaningless abyss from which there is no return. See also 2017’s “White House Christmas Décor.”

Cardi B Throwing a Shoe at Nicki Minaj

To dream that you are Cardi B throwing a shoe at Nicki Minaj indicates a hard-fought and deserved personal victory. To dream that you are Nicki Minaj in the same scenario means you will at some point be struck by a shoe.

Kellyanne Conway

You may be forced to confront an uncomfortable or inconvenient truth. Like, maybe you under-dressed for an occasion, or you’re starting to realize white women and their lack of accountability played a large part in the collapse of democracy.

Dragons

A dream about dragons is evidence of an indomitable spirit — like that of the Dungeons & Dragons revival craze. Contrarily, a dream about the dragons from Game of Thrones indicate that you’re feeling rushed or predictable, like a strong female character in fantasy that the writers failed to develop beyond season 3. Either type of dragon could also indicate sexual frustration.

Trump’s Twitter Feed

You are not asleep. You are reading Trump’s twitter feed. It does say that. Go to sleep.

The Royal Wedding

Dreaming about the royal wedding implies that you’ve given yourself a moment to enjoy something lovely before feeling guilty about enjoying something lovely. It could also indicate sexual frustration.

One of Those ‘Accidentally Naked in Public’ Dreams Except Mark Zuckerberg is There

Mark Zuckerberg dreams are a sign that you feel your privacy has been violated. All that was sacred is now lain bare for corporations to exploit. You’ll begin seeing ads for things you vaguely referenced in messenger.

Reba McEntire as The Colonel

To dream of Reba McEntire as The KFC Colonel suggests that you, too, have reached your final form. Because women are now equally represented in American media, the Dreamer of McEntire can finally achieve restful, dreamless sleep. You may even find you no longer need sleep. You are godlike. Omniscient. Eternal. And we at your preferred online dream dictionary wish you boundless prosperity amid the global crises ahead.

Laura Slade lives in Richmond, VA. She currently doesn’t need a dream dictionary to tell her that all her dreams mean she is nervous.