Daily Itinerary of A Guy Who’s Been on Dating Apps for 10 Years & Still Hasn’t Found Love For Some Reason
Romance is DEAD!
8am: Wake up. Lift some dumbbells. Got to keep the body in shape so I look good while holding a fish.
9:30am: Read some amazing comedy on Reddit about actual real life weird fortunes in fortune cookies. One says “You will have a nice life.” How vague is that! Hilarious! Another one says “Snakes will be in your future!” Hopefully not mine, bra, cause pity for them!
10:00am: Work my super boring marketing job. Little do they know I’m hilarious on dating apps and once did stand-up drunk in NYC, aka I could be the next Amy Schumer, but like a dude and like funny. My ex-gf Reiner loved Amy Schumer and I don’t get why. So HAPPY we broke up!
12:00pm: Take my lunch break and update my Tinder profile to try out my new material. Added, “If you don’t get my sarcasm, take a hike, lady! Also, if you’re a fat chick, take a hike…LITERALLY. It’s good exercise!!” Damn, that’s funny and actually helpful! By accident, spit my extra-strength protein shake out cause of how much that cracked me up.
12:15pm: I see a dude eating a burger nearby but try to look away because I know that’s too many cals and will not help me on my #swole journey. I focus on how much…