Dad Takes on the The Unpaid Labor of the After-School Run
Just a few quick notes to help everything go smoothly!
Hi Honey!
Thanks so much for doing the after-school run today. Just jotting down a few notes so that everything goes smoothly.
1. Carter’s soccer practice starts at 4.30. By 3 o’clock you should tell him to start changing into his kit. I don’t know why it takes him so long to get his socks on over his shin guards but take my word for it and begin this process early.
2. Carla’s flamenco outfit is in a pink sports bag by the front door. You’ll have to check if she’s removed any of the following from the bag and then track them down around the house: Her flamenco skirt, her leotard, her hair flower and her brush. She regularly incorporates all of these items into her imaginative “fairy time travel ” game, so they could be anywhere. Good luck.
3. Hopefully by 3.45 you’ll all be in the car. Head on over to Mrs. Idlebright’s house because she babysits Martin on Tuesdays after school. It occurs to me now that you may be surprised to learn that we take Martin to soccer practice. Indeed we do. In case you’re wondering, Martin is the one who does the Ethel Merman imitation. It’s very funny!
4. As you might recall, Mrs. Idlebright is hard of hearing so honking outside her home will not be effective. You’ll have to get out of the car, knock loudly and ring the bell simultaneously for at least five minutes. When Mrs. Idlebright comes to the door, she’ll be surprised and delighted to see you and even more surprised and delighted to learn that Martin is somewhere in her home. That’s because you have likely woken her from her afternoon nap and this makes her slightly disoriented.
5. You will find Martin in Mrs. Idlebright’s basement on the Wii. He’s supposed to already be dressed in his kit, but he never remembers so you’ll have to coax him away from the Wii, help him locate his kit (try the kitchen? or the bathroom? one time I found it under Mrs. Idlebright’s pillow?) and send him to change. Once that’s in progress, you’ll realize that Carter and Carla have followed you out of the car and are now in Mrs. Idlebright’s basement on the Wii. Promise them each a bite size Snickers if they come back to the car nicely. I know we discussed not using rewards to get the kids to do stuff, but time is of the essence here.
6. By 4.15 you should all be back in the car but Martin will remember he’s left his water bottle in Mrs. Idlebright’s house and he’ll have to go back in to get it. This will take at least five minutes for the reasons explained above in item 4.
7. Once the boys are at the pitch, head to the school gym where Carla has her flamenco lesson at 5. She’ll get dressed in her costume in the changing room and then you’ll have to brush her hair, put it in a ponytail and affix the flamenco flower with a barrette. She can’t buckle the shoes yet by herself — they’re trickier than they look — so you’ll have to do that for her. Make sure Señora Pilar is there before leaving. She sometimes cancels at the last minute and she’s never had our correct email or phone contacts though I’ve given them to her multiple times.
8. Once Carla is ensconced in Flamenco, you’re a free man for fifteen minutes. Enjoy!
9. Head back to the pitch at 5.20. It’s rush hour now so this should take a while. Practice finishes at 5.45 and the boys are supposed to wait for you in the parking lot, but they’ll be chatting with some friends and you’ll have to get out of the car and track them down. Their coach Ed will likely engage you in conversation. Ed is gregarious and happy to chat for long stretches of time. Did you know that Ed was once a movie projectionist in Fresno? You’ll have to extricate yourself politely so that you’ll be in time to pick up Carla.
10. By now rush hour is in full swing. As you take Martin home, you will find that after a time, the Ethel Merman imitation is just really annoying, but please laugh anyway because Martin is sensitive. Now head back to the school gym. Flamenco should be getting out. Carla will change back into her regular clothes (the shoes are even trickier to get off) and then you’re all done.
You did it! Good for you! The kids will now be starving so please take them home and give them dinner. I’m writing a separate, somewhat longer note about that so we don’t have another “swollen tongue/emergency room/throwing-up-all-over-mommy’s-new-handbag” incident.
Love you!
Devorah Blachor is the author of The Feminist’s Guide to Raising a Little Princess
