Are You Ready To Move In With Your Significant Other or Do You Just Hate Your Mattress?
Maybe you’re ready to take your relationship to the next step… or maybe you’re just so sleep deprived that you can’t think straight!
Are you thinking about taking the next step in your relationship by moving in with your significant other? There’s a lot to consider about cohabitation so you want to make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons and not because your mattress sucks. Maybe you are ready to take your relationship to the next step or maybe you’re just so sleep deprived that you can’t think straight! Don’t rush into anything! Take this quiz and find out if you’re ready to “take it to the mattresses.” (This is a reference to that scene in You’ve Got Mail where they reference The Godfather and not a reference to The Godfather itself).
QUIZ
1.) Which of the following do you prefer about your partner?
a.) Their temperament.
b.) Their Tempur-Pedic.
2.) What is the best part of your relationship?
a.) The quality time we spend together.
b.) The quality night’s sleep I get at their place.
3.) What’s your favorite thing about your partner?
a.) Their personality, their passion, and the way they make me feel. Every time I look at them I get butterflies.
b.) Their mattress.
4.) How would you describe your current mattress?
a.) Not too shabby, but my mom’s California King at home is better.
b.) This is the worst mattress in the world. I found it on the side of the road riddled with bullet holes and blood stains. I know I should just buy a new one but do you know how hard it is to get a mattress up a 5th-floor walkup? I thought about getting one of those Caspar mattresses online but I’m scared of ghosts!
5.) Which scenario best describes your relationship?
a.) We’ve been in a committed partnership for 2+ years and I can truly picture us spending the rest of our lives together in wedded bliss surrounded by our three beautiful children and a golden retriever.
b.) Honestly, I’m starting to think I don’t even like this person and that I’m just addicted to sleeping on a mattress that doesn’t have an enormous gash in the middle from where the previous owner stored their valuables and, presumably, firearms. It’s amazing how much better I sleep when I’m not being poked with rusty springs!
RESULTS
If you picked mostly As - Congrats! It seems like you’re in love and that’s awesome. You have my full blessing to move in with your partner without “going against the family.” (This is a reference to that scene in Rugrats in Paris where Angelica plays “The Bobfather” in reference to The Godfather and not a reference to The Godfather itself.)
If you picked mostly Bs - I’m sure you know which way this is going and it’s not good...Like dead fish in a bulletproof vest not good. You’re not in love with your partner, you’re in love with their mattress, and honestly? It’s getting weird. Listen, I know dating in the city can be hard and mattress shopping, even harder, but take it from someone who learned this lesson the hard way, you shouldn’t move in with someone just because you love their triple foam, cooling gel, aloe-infused memory firm mattress. Life is about listening to your heart, not your vertebrae. Get a new roommate, get on with your life, and for God’s sake, get a new mattress! I mean c’mon you can even stay with me if it’s really that bad.
Oh, and umm, if you don’t TAKE my advice and LEAVE the cannoli? Well, then I’ll have to come to you on the day of your daughter’s wedding and say hello to your little friend… I have never seen The Godfather.
Hope Carew is a writer, actress, and comedian based in Brooklyn, New York. For more of Hope you can go to hopecarew.com, follow her on social media @hopecarewisbrave or read her articles on Betches.
