An Apology from the Owner of “Dining in the Abyss”: the Sensory Deprivation Restaurant

Some call Dining in the Abyss unnecessary, but I call it groundbreaking.

Nat Hrvatin
The Belladonna Comedy
4 min readJul 12, 2021

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Photo by Rachel Claire from Pexels

When I created the ultimate dining experience of eating in a pitch-black isolation tank, I thought that removing sound, sight, and gravity would heighten customers’ sense of taste. What I failed to realize is my military-grade isolation tanks also removed the ability to easily digest anything. Sorry if you would like a refund for your $250 five-course meal, but here at Dining in the Abyss, once we receive your money it ceases to exist.

And I’m so sorry you were unable to appreciate our expert wine pairing by our in-tank sommelier, Theodore Chianti. Perhaps your palate isn’t refined enough to understand his vision of mixing together every bottle of wine we have in stock and calling it a “Wine Oasis.” His unique idea of spritzing guests with the wine mixture in spray bottles was quite refreshing and reminiscent of a day at the beach.

To the customer who described their experience as, “like being placed in a torture chamber that makes you feel like you’re in the movie Open Water,” well, you are just rude. The leopard sharks that we placed in each tank were meant to embody the spirit of the ocean, and are actually harmless creatures. I am sorry that you are unable to distinguish types of sharks by touch alone.

As a business owner, I believe in transparency. And I stand by my decision to place women giving birth in some of the tanks, as part of my partnership with the Water-Birthing Center. As a feminist, I think that anyone “disgusted beyond belief” after finding themselves covered in afterbirth upon leaving the tank is simply against the miraculous strength of women in labor. Thanks to the sensory deprivation tank, you were unable to hear any screaming. And many thanks to Theodore Chianti who provided you with hands-on Doula training. His Doula training, though not acquired from any accredited class per se, derives from his expertise in selecting which grapes make the perfect Pinot Grigio, which in my opinion is way more difficult than delivering a baby.

Remember the reason you chose to dine in a gravity-free tank: you want to shit in the same place you eat…

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Nat Hrvatin is a humor writer from Cleveland, Ohio. Check out her website nathrvatin.com or follow her on Twitter and Instagram @NatHrvatin.