Academy Awards For My Morning Commute

And the Oscar goes to…

Actor in a Supporting Role

Winner: My co-worker

For pulling my chair away from my desk and turning on my computer so it looks like I showed up on time.

Costume Design

Winner: The extremely confident woman on the train

For wearing an oversized backpack during rush hour.

Documentary (Feature)

Winner: The security cameras outside the 7–11

For capturing the exact moment when I tripped over the curb and split my pants.

Actress in a Supporting Role

Winner: My boss

For pretending to believe me when I said I was running late because my dog is sick, even though she knows I don’t own a dog.

**This is the second nomination and first win for my boss in this category**

***She was previously nominated for her work in Pretending to Believe Me when I said I Overslept (when really I just didn’t care)***

Documentary (Short)

Winners: Local teenagers

For filming an Instagram Live of people wiping out on one particularly treacherous stretch of ice.

Adapted Screenplay

Winner: The misspelled Eleanor Roosevelt quote someone graffitied by my house

For making me feel better about my own abilities.

Original Screenplay

Winner: All the texts I sent out to people during my morning commute

For lying about not having seen their texts the night before.

Cinematography

Winner: A brave tourist

For darting into the middle of gridlock traffic to snap a picture of Kevin Bacon, only to realize it wasn’t actually Kevin Bacon.

Music (Original Score)

Winner: “Spotify On Shuffle”