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A Selection of Heart Metaphors From My Romance Novel
Darlington’s heart stopped, spun around on one foot, clapped its hands thrice in the air, and declared: “Dios mio.”
Lutetia had to admit it: Darlington intrigued her. Sometimes she caught herself daydreaming of his diamond nose stud or his mysterious limp, and her heart would begin a firm, polite knock, like a guest requesting access to a cocktail party. Then the knock would increase in speed and intensity until it became less of a request to access the party and more of a demand. Then the knock became an unmitigated slam, as if the guest had hired a consort of soldiers and a battering ram to break down the door to the party. Then: Blam! Down went the door. And the guest dusted off his trousers, surveyed the party grandly, and said: “There’s just no stoppin’ when I come a-knockin’. Hi. I’m Dr. Amor.”
Darlington had brought Lutetia to his favorite establishment: Chez Gastob.
“And for yourself, Madame?” inquired the waiter.
“I will have the flaming duck beak,” said Lutetia in a sultry, commanding tone.
Darlington couldn’t believe his ears: that was his regular order! It was at this precise moment that his heart, that Grand Arbitrator inside his chiseled chest, struck its gavel and proclaimed his fate: a lifetime of having it bad for Lutetia, with no possibility of parole.
Darlington stared at Lutetia. Lutetia stared at Darlington. The game of squash in the next room picked up in intensity.
“Wait,” murmured Lutetia, struck. “There is no squash game. That’s just my heart.”
Usually, Darlington’s love conductor (and by that, I mean his heart) directed the orchestra of his body at a measured 70 BPM. But when Lutetia stepped out of the bathroom garbed in naught but a dressing gown, the conductor swung his batons up to a frenzied 150 BPM. And when she dropped her dressing gown to the floor, the BPM crested 200. What? 200? Is that even possible? Yes. You clearly have a lot to learn about hearts.
Lutetia appeared on the staircase in a flowing, opalescent ballgown. Darlington’s heart stopped, spun around on one foot, clapped its hands thrice in the air, and declared…
