A Heartfelt ‘Thank You’ to Swimsuit Designers
Words are Inadequate to Express My Gratitude, but I’ll Try.
Dear Swimsuit Catalog Purveyors:
Your timing is impeccable. Summer vacation looms, and before I checked my mailbox, I was afraid I might have to wobble my body into a physical store occupied by actual people. Now, I can just peruse your pages for ideas to help my milkshake bring all the boys to the yard. (I don’t really need help with that. My secret is real ice cream.)
I really appreciate all the edgy new cutouts in your swimsuits this year. Just the other day, I found myself wishing for a swimsuit, but like, LESS of one, you know? Something that reaches from my shoulders to my crotch but then gets lost somewhere in the middle. I’m so glad you understand that I need to let certain parts of my rib cage, and everything layered on top of my rib cage, get some air. Bonus: the cutouts make my skin a canvas for the sun’s rays. I never knew how much I needed a patchy tan in the shape of a slug climbing a ladder to my sternum.
Speaking of my sternum, it’s been ages since it got the appreciation it deserved, and carving that deep “v” to my belly button really emphasizes the contrast between the only bony part of my body and the part of my body that looks like a smiling blobfish. Your suits embrace…
