11 Perfectly Non-Haunted Zillow Listings with Nothing to Hide
But maybe don’t look under the floorboards.
“Roomy Cottage with Potential to Expand”
Magnificent Queen Anne cottage, with room to grow! This spacious five-bed property includes a bonus turret room — all you need is a contractor willing to reopen the sealed staircase. The turret is filled with natural light and would make a perfect home office, in spite of the two-foot concrete barrier that now blocks the entrance for unspecified reasons. Current homeowners caution that children under the age of 12 should not be allowed to enter this room during a blood moon.
“Their Ancestral Land Could Be Your Future”
An estate of this caliber rarely comes to market. And this one nearly didn’t. Its former owner Baron Von Barrenhoff bequeathed it with the stipulation that only blood relations could reside in its halls. But after an extensive legal battle, his descendants have won the right to defy his dying wish. Now this magnificently appointed Tudor manor could be yours — all thanks to the circumstances around Von Barrenhoff’s death that made it impossible to verify his will.
“Isolated Setting Far From Prying Eyes”
Escape the hustle and bustle of the city in this secluded Gothic Revival! Isolated on a 1.5-acre lot, this property epitomizes serenity and solitude. You’ll never hear your neighbors, and they’ll never hear you — no matter what type of parties you throw or how loud you scream.
“Perfect Find for A Circus Enthusiast”
This stately manor boasts an expansive statuary celebrating the great art of pantomime. From the marble likeness of Pierrot gracing the foyer to the busts of Auguste clowns lining the grand staircase and the harlequin statues adorning the master bath, each specimen is masterfully carved for vivid realism. In fact, they’re so lifelike you’ll swear you hear laughter echoing through the halls.
“An Absolute Must-See, But Come Alone!”
Perfect for the frequent entertainer! Chef’s kitchen features a 6-foot butcher’s block island. (Approximately the average height of a human!) Ceramic tile floors don’t stain, and mopping up liquids is a breeze. Plus, a padlocked deep freezer in the basement comes in handy for any number of uses.
“Smart Home Anticipates Your Every Move”
Equipped with state-of-the-art technology, this striking modernist home has it all: surveillance cameras in every room, automated locks on every door, and a system of smart devices you couldn’t disconnect if you tried. Its sophisticated built-in AI learns your habits to eliminate daily drudgeries like ordering your own groceries and making your own choices. It’ll even protect you from yourself, should you try to venture into the dangerous outside world.
“Comes with Its Own Historic Character”
A historic property this perfectly maintained is usually a testament to the meticulous attentions of a stringent preservationist. And indeed, such is the case with this English Colonial. Built in 1893, it has had only one prior owner, who still resides there to this day. It might be a single family-dwelling, but you’ll never really feel alone.
“The Last Home You’ll Ever Buy”
Ready to trade that starter house for your forever home? This elevated modern ranch is so beloved that, since its construction in 2012, five out of the past five owners have made its lush garden their final resting place. It may not be your first home-buying experience, but we’re confident it will be your last.
“Unique Property For The Artistically Minded”
Formerly owned by a prolific artist, the charms of this property are hard to put into words, but those who’ve been inside say its memory has never quite left their minds. The former owner took pains to decorate every square inch with his self-taught zodiac-inspired aesthetic. Everywhere you look, there’s more hieroglyphic art to discover — from the walls to the ceiling to the obsidian obelisk in the center of the living room.
“Rare Opportunity to Own a Local Landmark”
Every town has that one house that’s so architecturally significant it’s known to every man, woman and child. This exquisite Victorian farmhouse is just that. Ask any of the locals about “that big house on the hill,” and you’ll see the recognition dawn on their faces. Indeed, it’s so distinctive — and the wind that sweeps across the hill makes such a dulcet whistling sound — that they’ve affectionately nicknamed it: The Shrieking House.
“Live Where The Children Frolicked”
An innovative example of adaptive reuse, these luxurious townhomes were once the site of St. Ignatius Home for Wayward Children. No expense has been spared in undertaking the massive restoration to remove almost all of the traces of the fire that closed the orphanage doors in 1906, but many original details remain, such as the authentic wrought-iron bars across the windows and the historically accurate punishment closets.
